• We have a running joke that whenever Tom gets injured, he bounces back.
  • *Tom is cut in two by a dragon*
  • Ben: Don't worry lads, he's a good fighter, he'll bounce back!
  • *twenty minutes later Tom returns to life with new powers*
  • Party: Holy shit! He bounced back!
  • Pathfinder Bloodlines Sorcerer #2: So, how did you get Djinni magic?
  • Sorcerer #1: The same way you got Draconic magic, my ancestor fucked one.
  • Nobleman: Guys, are the enemies poor?
  • DM: What?
  • Nobleman: One of my talents is Hatred of the Poor. I do extra damage to poor people.
  • Assassin: Wow, your character's an ass!
  • Nobleman: But he's so good at it!
"Euria, when you’re an Orc, nothing is ridiculous."

— Wreav, the half orc, on orcs in general.

  • After brutally murdering a shopkeeper in cold blood because he gave our barbarian a funny look.
  • DM: Whilst looking through his pockets you find a note with a picture attached. The picture is of his wife and daughter and the note says "glad you are retiring tomorrow, let's celebrate at the inn!"
  • Thief: Is the wife hot?
  • DM: You realise that this pool of water changes the sex of anyone who drinks from it.
  • Fighter: I push Geordie in!
  • *rolls 1 then 2*
  • DM: You are now a very wet, ugly woman with two broken legs whose armour doesn't fit her any more.
  • Me: Shit... Karma is real!
  • I was playing a rogue; we all had just woken up in the inn and we saw a mysterious man on the opposite roof.
  • Me: I climb out the window to get to the roof.
  • DM: (mishears) ok so you jump out the window.
  • Me: (remembers he is the DM) Fine.
  • DM: 1 damage.
  • Me: Sigh.
"I’m smarter than the average orc."

— Wreav the half orc, on his 12 Intelligence.


Anonymous said: Does 'all RPing systems' include online fandom RP? I have a few quotes from a site I use often involving bizarre usages of tectonic plates.

I prefer to focus on quotes from tabletop RPGs and the groups who play them. All fandoms have their inside jokes and vocabulary (including RPG fans!), and what’s funny to members of one fandom may make no sense to members of another.

That said, I’ve occasionally bent the rules for quotes that are funny enough and don’t depend on fandom-specific context. While I can’t guarantee publication of any submission, if you think your quote will make sense and be funny to an audience of tabletop gamers, go ahead and submit! 

"So you turn into a giant, cat hair- and gore-covered yak, in the middle of this dwarven hallway? Fantastic."

— The DM